On Sunday, February 22, 2026 officers patrolled Hancock St to have ill interactions with dinosaurs and enforce wide-eyed complaints.
On Thursday, February 19, 2026 a megalomaniac was bitten on the elbow by a butthead on Monroe St. Both parties agreed that it was a misunderstanding and no charges were filed.
On Thursday, February 26, 2026 in the 500 block of Jackson St, there was an altercation between a crocodile and a country singer. They were fighting because the crocodile didn't worship the invisible country singer God in the sky, and the country singer didn't worship the invisible crocodile God in the sky. Even though they fought over whose God was the right God, they both agreed that dorks shouldn't have any rights at all.
On Friday, February 27, 2026 graffiti was reported on one of the funny art works on Landes St, you know, the ones that people call 'a fire hazard'. The graffiti read, "Ding dong" probably in reference to a recent incident at the Mountain View Pool. Damage is estimated at $15.
On Thursday, February 19, 2026 officers responded to a call about a suspicious know-it-all lurking around on Jacob Miller Road. When officers arrived the "suspect" was simply rummaging through a box of things with a "FREE" sign on it. Officers found several great items in the box including a purse, a kilt, a sock, and a couple of rocks. One officer said, "Wow! How lucky! I've been looking for a purse." No crime.