On Wednesday, May 27, 2026 a domestic dispute was reported on Quincy St. Officers arrived and found a brother and sister arguing because the sister told her brother that he "stinks like a stalk of celery." He responded by telling her that she "looks like a thankful customer service representative." The responding officer told the siblings that they should be nicer to each other to which they agreed to try.
On Thursday, May 28, 2026 graffiti was reported on one of the skinny art works on Sims Way, you know, the ones that people call 'the turds'. The graffiti read, "I made a huge to-do list today I just need to figure out who's going to do it" probably in reference to a recent incident at the Mountain View Pool. Damage is estimated at $24.
On Monday, May 25, 2026 a confused pig called police to report someone operating an illegal cooking booth on Hastings Ave. Police arrived at the scene and requested a free demonstration for which they determined everything was perfectly legal. They told the reporting caller and booth operator, "Nothing to see here. Carry on. Welcome to the real world."
On Friday, May 22, 2026 an officer received reports of a greedy extrovert attempting to get into different vehicles using a banana on Foster St. The subject was assisted with a ride home by an elephant.
On Saturday, May 23, 2026 on Hastings Ave a hobbit was reported throwing a tree branch through an RV window. The tree branch hit the reporting party in the knee. The officer observed no visible injuries.