Trump administration to start using carrier pigeons.
By: Helen A. HandbasketWashington, D.C. – The hacked e-mail accounts of government officials are once again in the news. V.P. Mike Pence is the latest victim of his own stupidity for using his account to conduct state business when he was governor. As a result, Donald Trump has signed an executive order requiring that all sensitive government communications be sent by carrier pigeon. According to press secretary, Sean Spicer, Trump likes birds because they can't be hacked and were used back when America was great. And Spicer added, "The genius of this plan is that it also creates millions of jobs for pigeon breeders and people who clean bird poop off of D.C. buildings."
Now the Washington rumor mill is buzzing about the possibility that other animals are being looked at for messenger jobs. Besides pigeons, Trump is said to favor pussies. Palomino horses might have an edge because the President likes leggy blonds that resemble Kellyanne Conway. Orangutans and pigs are not on the list. In Trump's opinion, they are "too fat and ugly." Parrots are not being considered because they often have diarrhea of the mouth. The President was overheard saying, “Parrots would leak more information than my White House staffers do."