Washington, D.C. - An unnamed White House source has just released the following example of a typical day in the life of POTUS.
2 am - Wanders halls in bathrobe.
6 am - Sends out first tweet storm.
6:30 am - Picks up underwear and socks that he threw on the floor before going to bed. FYI. Fears staff will give him cooties if they touch his stuff.
7 am - 2 Egg McMuffins.
7:30 am to 11 am - Executive time in family quarters. Yells at TV and works on enemies list.
11 am - Oval Office. Decides whether it will be golf or rally in the afternoon.
12 noon - 2 double cheeseburgers and 6 diet cokes.
1 pm to 6 pm - Golf or a rally.
6:30 pm – Dinner (bucket of KFC) and enormous slice of chocolate cake.
7 pm to bedtime - Receives marching orders from Sean Hannity.