White House “Ego Protection Commission” Assigned to Protect Trump’s Ego
By: R. U. KittingWashington, D.C. – Under the direction of Vice President Mike Pence, the new White House Ego Protection Commission (EPC) is being created with the mission of protecting President Trump’s very fragile ego. Members of the new commission will include Mike Pence, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Kellyanne Conway, Ivanka, Don Jr., Eric, Paul Ryan, Jeffrey Lord and anyone else who would defend Donald Trump even if he “took a dump on your desk”, as Anderson Cooper so delicately put it.
“The Secret Service is assigned to ensure the safety of the President. We are in the unique position now to also protect the President’s fragile ego,” explains Pence. “His feelings get hurt very easily.” The main tactic of the EPC will be to call everything critical of the president “fake news”, even if it is actually the truth. “I realize he is a chronic liar,” explains Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “But the media keeps hurting the President’s feelings and it’s not fair. The people elected him knowing that he was a narcissistic, selfish, self-serving, orange liar, who only cares about himself, so it is obviously what the American people wanted and that’s what they got. So stop complaining.”
In other related news, the condition of “thin skin” is covered under the health care plan that Donald Trump has. The President has a very severe case of this disease. The treatment is for the members of the Republican Party to sacrifice their own spines to defend anything and everything that Trump says and does, even if it is deplorable, despicable, disgusting, and offensive and completely beneath the dignity of the office of the Presidency or human decency.