Weasel-word republicans are changing their mascot to truly represent them.
By: Helen A. HandbasketWashington, D.C. – Bombshell news is coming out of our nation's capital. The Republican Party is changing its well-known symbol from an elephant to a weasel.
Recently, Fish and Wildlife lifted it's prohibition on the importation of trophies harvested from African elephants. Big game hunters are now allowed to mount a stuffed elephant's head on their man cave walls thanks to successful lobbying by Donald Trump's musket toting sons. This new policy will result in elephants becoming extinct sooner than previously expected.
Top Republicans have become concerned about the optics of being represented by a species that they are helping to kill off. On Tuesday, Paul Ryan announced that his party had voted to replace the elephant with a weasel.
When Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked by reporters if the Republicans were aware that weasels had a reputation for being cantankerous, sneaky, and unreliable she blamed the news media. Sanders stated, “The fake news has been spreading false rumors about weasels for years. In fact, weasels are just like Republicans; smart and resourceful.”