Golf is the #1 priority.
By: Helen A. HandbasketMar-a-Lago, FL – For years there have been stories and rumors about secret bunkers built to house the President and other vital government officials in the event of a nuclear holocaust. Because the new putter-in-chief spends most of his time on the links in Florida, the Secret Service is recommending that a presidential hidey hole be constructed on the 19th tee.
Critics of the plan have pointed out that it would be difficult to round up and quickly move support staff to Florida before they are fried to a crisp. In response, the President reportedly said, "Not to worry. Jared, Ivanka, and I can run the country. Besides, then I can finish my golf game once the coast is clear."
Others have brought up the difficulty of building an underground safe house in the Florida sand. The President reassured doubters when he said, "I have the best construction crews in the world. I just have to avoid hiring anyone that I have stiffed in the past."
One White House staffer told the N.Y. Times that the President has requested the inclusion of a nine hole miniature golf course in the new secure facility. "After all," the anonymous staffer stated, "You can't expect the leader of the free world to give up golf, cold turkey, just because of a little radiation. He needs relaxation time every once in a while after dealing with all the pain and misery in the rest of the country."