Trump’s Lesser Known Positions to Appoint
Chicken Hawk to Guard the Chicken Coop
By: Jet Pak
December 18, 2016
Moscow, ID – So far, Trump’s cabinet picks have been… interesting. Scott Pruitt, was chosen for Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) Administrator. He is a climate change denier who has fought the EPA at every turn. Tom Price, chosen for Health and Human Services Secretary, strongly opposes the Affordable Care Act. He plans to cut funding for healthcare for women, the elderly, and the disabled and low-income people. Betsy DeVos, Trump’s pick for Education Secretary, wants to do away with the traditional public school education system and privatize education. The billionaire’s experiment has not worked well in Michigan, where test scores are down and the quality of education has suffered.
The list goes on and on with Trump’s cabinet picks of people who oppose the purpose and foundation of the very department they are now in charge of.
Here are Trump’s picks for some of the lesser-known positions in his administration:
- Josh Duggar, Secretary of Family Values. “Josh’s good Christian values will be an asset to the country. Nobody loves women and children more than Josh,” says Trump.
- Bill Cosby, Food and Drug Administration (FDA), Head of Quaaludes Department. According to Trump “he has tremendous experience with the improper use of Quaaludes. He also has expertise with women’s issues, by playing obstetrician, Cliff Huxtable.”
- Jared Fogle, Spokesperson for Children’s Advocacy. Fogle has many years of experience pushing sandwiches. Who better to speak for child advocacy?
- Scott Baio, Celebrity Spokesperson, B-Team. Says Trump about Baio, “’Charles in Charge’ was one of the best shows on television. Did you see that hot piece of a** he was in charge of? Nicole Eggert. She was on Baywatch. Not too shabby, Scott.”
- Henery Hawk, Head Security Guard of the White House Chicken Coop. Trump appoints fellow chicken hawk to guard the chicken coop. Nuff said.