Trumpish to English
By: Sarah Huckabee Sanders (SHS)
Trump: “I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything… Grab ’em by the pu**y. You can do anything.”
SHS Translation: “Nobody loves women more than the President. And you people in the media are disgusting for spinning this into anything more than that.”
Trump: “North Korea best not make any more threats to the United States. They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen…”
SHS: “The President was joking. And you people in the media need to learn how to take a joke.”
Trump: “I have an original Renior hanging in my living room in Trump Tower. It’s called ‘Two Sisters on the Terrace’ by Pierre-Auguste Renoir and it’s an original. You know, it’s an original Renior, right? Yup, I have the original. The original Renior. Yup, it’s mine. I bought it for an enormous amount of money because I am so rich and I like to buy original Renior’s. That’s why I have the original.”
SHS: "Well, yes, I know. I am aware that the Art Institute of Chicago says they possess the original Renior, 'Two Sisters on the Terrace'. But the President thinks he has the original, so he has the original. And frankly, it’s inappropriate and disgusting for you people in the media to question the President."
Trump: [Insert any of Donald Trump’s many lies here]
SHS: “If by ‘lying’,” as SHS makes air quotes with her fingers, “you mean that the President lies down at night to sleep, then yes, I guess you can say he lies... down. Do you lie down at night to sleep? Yes, you do? Then I guess you are liars too. You people in the media are such hypocrites. You just like to twist everything around just to criticize the President.”
Trump: "Covfefe."
SHS: "It’s an inside joke. You’ll find out in about two weeks. Next question."