"...my thumb still hurts," says one patient.
By: Al BeebackDallas, TX - Trump makes good on one of his campaign promises to repeal and replace ObamaCare with "something terrific". TrumpCare will be an equal opportunity healthcare system for all Americans. He promises that "every American citizen will be covered equally." Under the new system, the issue of pre-existing conditions is irrelevant. Doctors won't even know why you are there, which according to Trump "saves an enormous amount of time and money." And you are guaranteed to be treated (for something anyway).
The new healthcare system will adopt the casino business model. Patients will simply go to the medical facility and try their luck at the slot machines. Each machine is set up with a list of medical procedures. In order to assure everyone is treated fairly, the machines use a random number generator to select a medical procedure for the patient. It's a fair system where it doesn't matter who you are, or where you come from, or even what medical problems you may have, everyone has an equal and very low chance of winning.
In addition to not having any restrictions on pre-existing conditions, Trump claims, ”If you like your slot machine, you can keep your slot machine. If you don't like your slot machine, then too bad. Sucks to be you."
TrumpCare is currently being tested in a few medical facilities around the country. When one patient, Benjamin Dover, from Lubbock, TX was asked what he thinks about TrumpCare, he responded, "It's ok so far. I went in for a broken thumb and got a colonoscopy. Turns out my butt's in good shape, but my thumb still hurts."